Desired, p.26
Desired, page 26
“What do you think happened to Jude?” He murmured. “Think it was Freddie?”
I honestly didn’t think Freddie was capable of stabbing someone. Jude had been brutalized according to the campus rumor mill. Freddie hadn’t shown any signs that she was angry enough with Jude to stab him, and she had been with Sarah.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly as Crispin stroked my hair. “How the hell did you get out of trouble with the cops?”
“Complicated. But I didn’t do it. I swear.”
“I don’t know if Freddie did it,” I whispered. “She’s not really the stabbing kind.”
Crispin shrugged as if he wasn’t sure. He was her twin brother. He ought to have been sure.
“At least we’re free,” Crispin murmured, his fingertips massaging my head with an incredibly soothing rhythm. “Free from Ella and Katrina bothering us. Loved your little prank.”
“Everyone has footage of it. Hilarious,” I whispered, flicking Crispin’s nipple ring through his shirt as I nestled my head against his chest. His chest smelled amazing. He smelled a little like a baby and a lot like a tall, sexy man. I reached my fingers into his shirt and touched his bare chest.
Crispin groaned. “Babe… I’m exhausted.”
“Me too,” I whispered. “I just want to feel your skin…”
We fell asleep on the couch like that and awakened several hours later to Christian’s loud shrieking on the baby monitor. Crispin launched off the couch nearly dragging me along with him. I pried myself off in time and yawned as he thundered over to Christian’s room. There were several unread text messages on my phone. Most of the texts were about the party, officially dubbed Rapetti’s most epic goodbye party. At first, most of the messages were either videos or photographs from the night, but then the messages about Jude appeared.
Sarah G.: Jude’s on life support
Violet: Jude could die. Everyone still thinks Crispin did it. Call me.
Jack: Hi Minzie. Tell Barc 2 call me tomoz xx ABOUT JUDE
I didn’t know why Jack texted me like that, or why he called me Minzie. But it was a new thing he was trying. I groaned. I knew Jude had been stabbed, but I’d possibly been a little less than sober when everything unfolded around us. Everything hit me like a bus in the morning.
Everyone still thinks Crispin did it.
I’d forgotten to care about what everyone on campus was gossiping about, focusing instead on dreams of babies and lying against Crispin’s chest. Unlike my boyfriend, I would have to go back to campus soon and actually deal with the aftermath of the party. I threw the blanket off and tried to assess the damage to my hair from sleeping against Crispin’s chest without a bonnet.
As I touched my head I realized…
“When did I put my bonnet on?”
“I did,” Crispin murmured, emerging from the hall with Christian lying against his chest. “I put it on while you were sleeping.”
I didn’t even know I had a bonnet at the cottage.
Crispin kissed my cheek and bounced Christian a little. I gave Christian a little peck on the forehead and his eyes snapped to my face. He could focus his vision a little better now. I couldn’t help but grin at how cute he was.
“He needs some formula,” Crispin said. “And he’s already had a change. Say hello to Amina…”
He held up Christian’s little hand and made him wave to me. I wanted to die from the cuteness of it all. With Christian around, I couldn’t stay cranky about anything.
“I need a ride back to school,” I said. “But I’ll hold Christian while you make his bottle.”
“Cheers.”
Crispin handed the baby over and I delightedly squeezed Christian in a tight hug, supporting his little head. I gazed into his eyes as Crispin opened his cupboards. Christian was so cute. I wanted to knit him a little hat whenever I looked at him and I didn’t even know how to knit.
Ugh. Crispin eventually drew my gaze again as I held Christian against me. There was something so insanely sexy about watching Crispin in dad mode. His white shirt billowed open and he whistled Tchaikovsky as he prepared formula for Christian.
“Hey, little guy. Your uncle-dad’s getting you formula,” I murmured to the baby.
Christian had the cutest black eyes ever. They were so dark and round.
“Isn’t it crazy that August and Katrina made such a cute baby?” I muttered.
Crispin agreed. Once he had the formula ready, he insisted on feeding Christian.
“It’s bonding,” Crispin explained. “I put him against my chest and he gets warmth from my skin. It’ll be better for his psychology.”
I shrugged and watched as Crispin fed his nephew, who excitedly clutched for the bottle.
“I’ll take you back to school soon,” Crispin said. “Has the world ended yet over Jude?”
“Apparently he’s on life support. Nearly dead.”
“Oh.”
“You don’t sound torn up about it.”
“I’m not,” Crispin said simply.
He went back to gazing lovingly at Christian. Sigh. I couldn’t have expected any differently from Crispin. I knew he wasn’t really into forgiving people who messed with his family and while he might have been pissed at Freddie… he really blamed Jude Fox.
“Are you sure you had nothing to do with it?”
“Yes.”
“Vi says people at school still suspect you.”
“It’s a good thing I don’t have to go back there then.”
Crispin grinned as if he were completely unaware of the fact that I had to go back there and face the intensity of boarding school gossip and rumors. I didn’t exactly relish the idea.
“But I have to go back. And I have to be the murderer’s girlfriend.”
Crispin raised an eyebrow. “The murderer’s girlfriend?” he challenged.
“Yes,” I snapped. “Again.”
“You realize that I’m not a murderer. Don’t let the rumors get to you, Twiggy. You’re better than that.”
He kissed the top of my forehead in the most infuriating manner. I rolled my eyes. Crispin Barclay didn’t realize what the hell I would be dealing with when I got back to campus.
Chapter 39
Freddie waited for me and Crispin to arrive back on campus in the secret spot where Crispin always parked his car. Freddie leaned against a tree, her long legs crossed, vaping and scrolling through her phone, and giggling to herself every few seconds.
She waved excitedly to me and I burst out of the car to hug her tightly. Crispin and his sister weren’t at each other’s throats anymore, but stiff tension still lingered between them. Crispin exited the car already muttering to himself under his breath about Freddie.
“She’d better not have stabbed him. I swear.”
Crispin stuffed his hands in his pockets as Freddie ruffled my hair, thankfully keeping his accusatory comments to himself.
When Freddie was satisfied that Crispin had returned me to campus in good condition, she flashed a cheeky grin at her brother. She was the only person on campus who wasn’t intimidated by Crispin’s dark brows furrowed in a wicked scowl.
“Come to rip my head off?” she teased.
“No,” Crispin said sharply. “Did you have anything to do with Jude?”
“No. Did you?” Freddie asked, that bemused expression still plastered on her face.
“No.”
They stared at each other intently for an uncomfortably long time. I assumed it was a twin thing. (It was.)
“She’s not lying,” Crispin said at the same time Freddie said, “He’s not lying.”
Once they’d determined each other’s honesty, Crispin’s stiffness cracked.
“Who do you think stabbed him then?” Freddie asked. “I mean… Jude’s a bit of a cock but we were going to work things out.”
Crispin’s jaw clenched furiously, his stiffness returning in an instant. I watched his shoulder blades tighten before he spoke, observing closely in case I had to get between them.
“You were what?”
“I wasn’t going to get back together with him, stupid. But we wanted… an arrangement. You know.”
“I’m afraid I don’t,” Crispin grumbled.
“Whatever. The investigation continues, I suppose. Toodles, Pip.”
Crispin turned red, but before he could argue about the use of his childhood nickname, Freddie opened his car door and pointed at the driver’s seat.
“In you go! I’m tired of you stealing my roommate off me every ten seconds.”
There was no arguing with Freddie, much like there was no arguing with Crispin when he put his stubborn Barclay mind to something. After nudging Crispin with her foot, he climbed into the driver’s seat muttering bitterly under his breath.
Freddie linked arms with me and Crispin reluctantly drove away. I missed him already. Today was the first day I would have to face the reality that Crispin no longer attended Rapetti Academy.
Freddie was apparently unbothered by her brother’s absence.
“Violet’s waiting in our dorm. We have much to discuss from last night. Jack’s there too but… he’s snuck in. He’s got a disguise.”
“A disguise?”
“Blonde wig. The girls auctioned off Ella Novak’s belongings in secret and told the dean her parents picked everything up. I got three thongs.”
I wrinkled my nose.
“Please tell me you aren’t going to wear Ella Novak’s old thongs.”
“Hm,” Freddie considered. “I dunno yet. They’re rather cute. Perhaps I’ll sell them on the internet.”
“Ew!”
Freddie giggled and walked back to the dorm with me arm in arm, hinting that she wanted to talk about her encounter with Sarah over the weekend and then flat out asking once we entered the dorm.
“Do you think Sarah and I make a good couple?”
“I guess. Sarah’s always been nice on the team. I don’t know if she’s dated anyone.”
“I’m done with boys. I mean… I know I perhaps took it too far with the Jude thing. It’s a bit awkward now I’ve hooked up with half the boys.” She was quiet for a few more moments, a sad expression crossing her face. She sighed. “Crispin might be right about me.”
“Crispin was way too harsh. I definitely yelled at him.”
Freddie giggled. “Good. He needs more of that.”
“Definitely.”
“At least he’s a good uncle to Christian. Better than I would be. I suppose I’ll try to stay off boys.”
Freddie pushed the door to our bedroom open. Violet and Jack were seated on my bed. Jack had the blonde wig halfway on his head with most of his long brown hair peeking out. Violet’s head was on his lap and she sat up excitedly once I walked in.
We hung out for the next hour, talking about the party, the arrests, and then what happened to Jude. It was Saturday, so I didn’t have any classes. We pieced together where all of us had been, including our alibis. We still couldn’t think of who could have hurt Jude Fox and we all trusted each other’s alibis.
The police investigation depended on Jude’s family pressing charges. Apparently he had negligent parents, but so did almost everyone at Rapetti, so we couldn’t be sure what the outcome would be.
“We won’t let people blame you for what they think Crispin did,” Violet said to me. “It doesn’t matter what they say.”
I appreciated their offer to defend me, but Crispin had been accused of much worse. I wasn’t too worried.
After Crispin’s goodbye party and departure, my life at Rapetti descended into a weird rhythm. The Jude mystery remained unsolved. And everything was weird because Crispin wasn’t there and I missed him. He took me out to dinner with Christian in tow a few nights a week and he checked in on my eating disorder therapy as if he were still my peer support.
I could tell he hadn’t been using drugs. His new drug was spoiling Christian senseless. He wanted to take Christian on his first ski trip to the Fox chalet in Switzerland. Apparently, Benjamin offered the chalet to us for the Christmas holidays if we wanted. Crispin chatted excitedly about skiing. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that skiing hadn’t really been a “thing” for me growing up in Texas. I could probably just learn when we got there anyway.
I hadn’t had much time to think about Christmas holidays with my upcoming plans to host Sylvia at Rapetti, but I had to admit that a chalet in Switzerland sounded perfect. Without imagining skiing, I could conjure up comfortable beds, fireplaces with real firewood and eating bowls of hearty soup to stay warm. It could be cozy. And romantic.
Dinners with Crispin didn’t make up for the fact that I couldn’t sneak into his room after a long library session anymore, or that Christian ultimately came first. I couldn’t call him in the mornings because he was all busy with diaper changes and feedings. I missed him like hell, and as the weeks dragged on, I didn’t exactly know what to do. At least I had Sylvia’s visit to look forward to.
Sylvia arrived on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving (in America—England had no such holiday in November, and they were blissfully unaware of all the delicious food they were missing out on). It was the only time she could get off from school and she was “tired of doing the Thanksgiving dishes” so she chose to spend the holiday with me.
Crispin sent a car to pick her up from the airport and drive her out of London to the countryside. She was asleep when her car arrived and groggy as she spilled out of the car to meet me, Crispin, and Violet outside my dorm. Crispin had Christian strapped to his chest in one of those baby carriers that keeps the baby all swaddled and warm.
Sylvia couldn’t stop gawking at the impressive Rapetti Academy buildings as she stepped out of the car. Her dark brown eyes widened, and her shock rendered her speechless for a few moments. She’d grown since I’d last seen her and she was now a couple inches taller than me and thinner than when I’d seen her too.
Sylvia had the prettiest shade of dark skin and this time she wore her hair in cornrows that lay flat on the top of her head and twisted down into waist-length braids. Her smile was still bright and white, but there was a tinge of sadness behind her eyes, the recent loss of our dad still visible in nearly all her mannerisms.
I had this urge to comfort her and act like the big sister I never got a chance to be. I wanted to be close to her – to have a best friend who understood what it was like to be dark-skinned with a thick bush of hair on your head that would never ever be tame. Sylvia reminded me of a younger version of myself, except I had been an emotional mess on the run from John Hewett. And her pain was different.
Painful past or not… She was here. I was so excited to see her, and she smiled broadly when she saw me, which made it even better.
“Welcome!” I said. “You made it!”
Before she could react, I rushed her and hugged her tightly.
“This place is like Hogwarts,” she said. “You go to freaking Hogwarts.”
Violet laughed and wrapped her arms around Sylvia too.
“You look more like Amina than ever,” Violet said, although I wasn’t sure I agreed with her.
Crispin greeted Sylvia with a hug.
“What’s with the baby?” Sylvia asked him, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. There was still a tiny part of her that was mildly suspicious of “my white boy”.
“Nephew,” Crispin said. “My nephew. Christian.”
“Oh, he’s cute. I thought y’all had a secret baby on me.”
Crispin turned blush pink and I mumbled some excuse. Sylvia grinned and peered at Christian’s face excitedly. He was one of those cute babies who everyone couldn’t help smiling at.
“We’ll take your things!” Vi said eagerly. “I’m so excited to have someone to take around campus. You can come to our race tomorrow.”
“Amina’s a cross country champion,” Crispin said. “You’ll want to see her kick arse.”
Sylvia seemed shy and uncomfortable at first, nodding along to all our suggestions, but still gawking around campus. I hoped that she would like it here and we could seriously bond during her little trip. When we entered the dorm room, Sylvia relaxed a little.
“Your room is so cool!”
I had a new appreciation for the dorm room that I sometimes took for granted. Sylvia’s wide eyed excitement made me feel better about the living space Violet once described as “mouse hole”.
“Thanks,” I said. “That’s my side. My roommate is Crispin’s twin. She’s on a date right now.”
“Wow. This place is awesome. I thought it would be more like a prison.”
I could always count on Sylvia to say something hilariously blunt. I loved getting to know her personality better and imagining what type of sisters we would have been if we’d grown up together.
“She’s thinking of Thornwood Academy,” Violet whispered to me. I nodded knowingly. Despite the rule changes and change in school leadership, Rapetti Academy really hadn’t changed too much.
“You can sleep on the bed,” I said to my sister. “I’ll crash on the futon.”
“Are you sure?”
“Duh! You’re my sister.”
“What about dinner?” Crispin asked. “I can take you all out, provided Christian gives me permission.”
Chapter 40
When Sylvia’s week visiting me ended, my life seemed to collapse in a heap. Crispin was gone. I’d spent a week getting close to my biological sister and now she was gone too. We’d spent every day that week bonding so much that I almost felt like I was making up for a lifetime of separation and I desperately needed more time.
We’d talked all the time since our dad died, but Sylvia had the hardest time out of everyone. It was weird identifying the ways she was like me. She tried to stay strong and hide her emotions until she was alone.
She cried every night in our dorm room and one night, she crawled onto the futon next to me and we cried together. Of course, when she left, I cried a lot too, but I tried to be strong for her and be the older sister she deserved. A part of me still felt like I abandoned her and she’d deserved to grow up without all the responsibility she had as a big sister.
