The fighter an mm romanc.., p.30
The Fighter: An MM Romance, page 30
And inside, I laughed.
THIRTY-TWO
Tav
Seeing Con injured hurt more than I ever thought possible. But dealing with him as he healed was an absolute fucking nightmare. A horror show. I was pretty sure taking a bath in bleach would be more pleasant than dealing with him.
He wouldn’t rest. He didn’t like to be doted on. It made sense when I thought about it, that the entire situation made him feel out of control, but that didn’t make taking care of him any easier. He wanted his laptop brought into the bedroom, but then he didn’t like the angle of the screen, so he tried to go to his office, only to nearly fall in the living room. He refused most food and insisted on making work calls while woozy on pain meds, which hadn’t ended well for anyone involved.
Dr. Rosen came to check on him, and she told him he might need physical therapy to repair the muscle in his stabbed thighs, and that sent him into his final Absolute Assholetm form for two full hours.
I sympathized, I really did, but that didn’t mean I had to like him at the moment. When the doorbell rang, and I peered through the peephole to find Ben and Nik, I let out a sigh of relief and opened the door. “I tap out for an hour.”
Ben clapped my shoulder. “That bad?”
“The worst.”
Nik just shook his head, a smile curving his lips, as he made his way into the apartment and toward the bedroom. As I closed the apartment door, me on the other side of it in the hallway, I could hear Con snapping at his friends like a caged raccoon.
I headed down to my sister’s apartment, finding two men outside her door. While Con healed, Nik had been in charge of the aftermath of Devlin’s dethronement. While we didn’t think there were any threats to Amara, we were being cautious, at least until Con said otherwise.
I had texted her while Con was gone but hadn’t given her any details, only that Con had some business stuff that came up that had kept us busy. But now she deserved to know what had gone down.
I knocked on the door, and she swung it open quickly, a smile on her lips. “Hey, big brother.”
Inside, Holden raced around the small coffee table wearing nothing but underwear. He stopped when he saw me, hollered, “Uncle Tav!” and leaped into my arms. I caught him and spun him in the air.
“Hey buddy,” I dropped him on the ground where he took off on a run down the hallway to the bedroom. I turned to my sister with a raised eyebrow.
She blew out a breath, sending a lock of her hair flying. “He has cabin fever. I think I might lose my mind if we can’t get out of this apartment soon.” Her clothes were wrinkled and stained, and she looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair for a day. “He’s like you were as a kid. He has to be moving at all times.”
Holden streaked out of the bedroom, his bare feet slapping the floor and slammed into my thighs. I grunted as I hauled him into my arms and draped him over my shoulder. He let out a squeal of delight and pounded my back with his fists. “Go lay down in the bedroom. I’ll entertain him for a while.”
“You sure you have time?” She bit her lip, but looking longingly at the bed down the hall. “Weren’t you busy the last few days?”
“Go,” I said. “I’ll explain later. You need a break.”
Her entire body sagged. “Thank you. If you wear him out in the next two hours, he might nap.”
“I’ll run him ragged.”
Her fingers curled around my wrist. “You okay? Conrad okay?”
Conrad was on his way to okay, but I’ll tell her about it all later. “Yeah, we’re good. Just don’t worry about anything right now. I got it all covered.”
Holden began to kick his feet. “Helicopter!” He screeched. Which meant he wanted me to spin him until we were both dizzy.
I laughed and eyed my sister. “On second thought, maybe—”
Amara was already down the hallway, each step dragging. “No take backs!”
While Amara slept, or watched TV, or whatever she wanted with the bedroom door closed and locked, I entertained Holden for the next two hours. First I did so many helicopters that I wanted to hurl. Then we played hide and seek. Then we made a cake for Amara. Then we tried to frost it, but it wasn’t cool enough, so the frosting melted everywhere. Then we played pretend dinosaurs. Then I made him lunch, and his eyelids drooped before he even finished his plate.
As soon as I laid him on the couch with a blanket over his small body, he passed out, his little lips fluttering with soft snores.
Amara emerged fifteen minutes later while I sat on the other end of the couch watching a baseball game. Her hair was all smashed on one side, and a bit of dried drool clung to the corner of her mouth. I smiled at her. “Sleep well, Mar?”
She stretched her arms over her head and yawned. “The best. And you’re the best. You even got him to nap?”
We spoke quietly, but Holden was out like a light and slept like the dead. “Of course I did. I’m the best uncle.”
Her eyes went soft like they often did around me lately. “You really are.”
She grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and a bowl of grapes. As she sank into the chair near me, she tugged her legs under her and popped a grape in her mouth. “So tell me what you were up to the last few days.”
Of course, I’d made it seem harmless, like Con and I were just busy, respectable people. “Look, I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want you to worry, but it’s about Devlin, Mar.”
She froze with a grape halfway to her mouth. “What?”
With a sigh, I told her as much as I dared, leaving out most of the gory parts, but she deserved the know the truth, and I vowed not to lie to her again. She listened intently, eyes misting when I talked about Con upstairs in the bed healing.
“How is he?”
“A terrible patient.”
She laughed. “I haven’t known him long, but I can see that.”
“He doesn’t always have the sunniest personality, but when he’s in pain and can’t stalk around the apartment like he’s a king? He’s intolerable. I love him, but he’s the worst right now.”
She rolled her lips between her teeth, and her eyes glittered with delight. “You love him?”
I scratched at a flake of dried frosting on my sweatpants. “‘Course I do.”
“Have you told him?”
“We haven’t said the words yet, but…” I shrugged and looked away.
“Do you want to?”
“Sometimes I think I do, but other times I think I already know. We already know.”
“What do you love about him?” She asked softly.
My whole relationship with Con flashed before my eyes. When we met at the bar. The first time he fucked me. The way he always knew exactly what I needed, even when I didn’t.
“He sees me, Mar. I think he did from day one. He can read me like a book, and he never makes me feel like that’s weak. He makes me feel strong when he sees me.” I smiled. “He’s thoughtful, but he can be grumpy about it. He likes dumb action movies that make no logical or physical sense. He’s smart, like disgustingly smart, but never makes me feel stupid. He touches me like I’m priceless. He knows just how far to push me but doesn’t cross the line. He’s…” I sucked in a breath. “He’s imperfect and perfect all at the same time.”
A tear tracked down Amara’s cheek, and she brushed it away with the back of her hand. “I can’t believe you’re this sappy.”
I laughed, and she did too. “He changed my brain, I think.”
“The best love does.”
We lapsed into silence. Holden sniffled, mumbled something in his sleep, and then settled again.
Amara’s eyes were free of tears now. “And Devlin? Where is he?”
“I haven’t gotten a report from Nik yet, but he’d tell me if anything went wrong. As far as I know, he’s far away from here. And he’s in no condition to do much of anything.” I swallowed as I remembered the feel of his flesh under my fists. The blood. “I made sure of that.” I lifted my gaze to hers. “He’s not dead. I didn’t… I don’t want that. I never wanted that. For anyone.”
She rose and climbed into my lap, and I went rigid. She hadn’t touched me this much since we reunited. It’d been soft fingers on my arm, a grabbed wrist, maybe a held hand. But this, where she bundled against my chest in a way she had done so many times when we were kids, stole the oxygen from my lungs.
“Breathe,” she said softly, small hand on my chest.
Right. Breathe. I forced myself to inhale and exhale.
Her scent surrounded me, and her hair tickled my chin. I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes, laying my cheek to the crown of her head.
“I know who you are,” she said softly.
My eyes stung. My throat tightened. She didn’t have to say more, her assurance that she saw me, really me, like Con did, was enough.
“It’ll be okay now, Mar.” My voice was thick, and I swallowed around the lump in my throat as tears threatened at the corner of my eyes. “We’ll start over. We’ll be the family we were always meant to be.”
Her one hand slipped down to grip mine, while the other touched Holden’s delicate ankle bone where his foot stuck out from the blanket. “Family,” she whispered.
Conrad
“Why are you out of bed?” Ben frowned as I walked toward my office.
“I don’t need to be in bed,” I snapped as I whirled on him. The movement tugged at my ribs, and I bit back a gasp of pain. That pissed me off, so I focused on my best friend. “What are you doing here?” I glared at Nik. “You brought him again?”
Ben crossed his arms over his chest as his eyes sharpened, and not in a good way. “I just spent two days scouring this city for your ass. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat, and I probably gave myself an ulcer. I normally let you be a dick, because it amuses me and deep down I know you love me. But today, I’m going to be real with you say, fuck you, Conrad. Fuck. You.” His chest heaved, and his blue eyes glistened. “I know you’re beat to shit, but don’t act like we didn’t go through hell with you.”
I sucked in a breath as his words stung worse than the pain in my ribs. I forced myself to look into Ben’s eyes and see the pain there. I sank down onto the couch, wincing as my ribs protested. “I’m sorry.”
Ben’s hands dropped loosely to his sides. “Okay.”
“I didn’t think from your perspective. I’ve been—”
“Feeling sorry for yourself?” Ben raised an eyebrow.
“Maybe.” I dropped my head in my hands. “Fuck, I hate feeling like this. And you don’t deserve my anger.”
Ben sat on the couch with me. Nik joined us on a chair. Ben propped his arm on the armrest. “I know I don’t. It’s not for the weak, being your friend.”
“Amen,” Nik muttered.
“Tav tapped out by the way,” Ben dug in. “In case you didn’t notice.”
I turned my head toward the gym. I had assumed he was there, but now I realized no sound came from the room. I went rigid, which sent my muscles into painful spasms. “What? Where the hell is he?”
“At his sister’s,” Nik said. “Because you’re insufferable.”
“Shit,” I fumbled for my phone, but Ben snatched it from me.
“He’s fine. He’s coming back. He needs a break. So leave him alone.”
I winced. “Is he mad at me?”
“Tav? Mad at you?” Ben scoffed. “No.”
It made sense, actually, for him to go see Amara. He had told me that she’d been kept in the dark about the events of the last few days. Speaking of…
“What’s the latest on Devlin?” I asked Nik.
“Cameron took him east. Somewhere in Jersey. Dropped him off with some money. He’s a mess—broken jaw and shit. He’ll need surgery. He’s not going to be doing much of anything for a while.”
I nodded, feeling an ache in my own jaw. “Make sure his medical bills are paid for.”
“On it.”
Devlin’s entire stronghold in Detroit was nothing but a power vacuum. Soto would step in, for now, until we could sort out all the different players. It would be messy, and I was sure that there would be someone chomping at the bit to take Devlin’s place. I’d deal with them when the time came.
“We have it all taken care of,” Nik said, as if he knew where my mind was heading. “Just heal.”
I hadn’t really spoken to Ben and Nik since I’d been back at my apartment. They’d stopped by here and there, but I’d been half out of it most of the time. But now, I was fully conscious and alert. “And Lary?”
“He’s free and clear. Gave him some money that he tried to refuse, but then Tav had a word with him. They’ll keep in touch.”
That eased my mind. I knew Tav had a fondness for the old man.
I sighed, “You were right, by the way. Both of you.”
Ben’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into his perfect hairline. He blinked and then cupped his palm around his ear. “I’m sorry, what did Conrad Stafford just say to me? That I was right about something?”
I threw a pillow at him. “I sometimes think you’re right.”
“Oh, but it’s rare, my friend. So please, enlighten me on what I was so right about.”
“Devlin,” I answered. “And how I couldn’t have changed him.”
Ben’s humor fled as he studied me. “Nik told me what state Devlin was in after they rescued you. And I don’t think it was because Tav beat the shit out of him. He tried to fuck you mentally, and you turned that around on him, didn’t you?”
I pressed my lips together. “I think we both did some damage to each other. But yes, I finally realized Devlin had always thought I was someone else. Some idealized version of me who could give him what he wanted. And I never could have. When I told him that, when I burst that bubble in his head, I think that snapped something in him.”
Ben nodded. “And you? Did it snap something in you?”
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, it did.”
“Finally,” he muttered.
“Silver lining to getting snatched off the street and tossed in a cage.”
Ben barked a laugh. “Fuck’s sake.”
“And hey Ben?”
“What?”
“I’ll invest in Collar. To get it renovated.” I was going to gild the stool where Tav had sat in gold.
His eyes shone as he scoffed. “I don’t want your money.”
But he was grinning a stupid grin, and I felt twenty pounds lighter.
Ben and Nik stayed for a few more hours, finally leaving me alone. I tried to sleep on the couch, but all I could think about was Tav. I typed and deleted approximately one hundred messages to him and had bitten my lip to hell by the time the door beeped and he stepped inside.
He looked as good as always, so handsome with his haircut and his tight T-shirt stretched across his muscled chest. As he eyed me and drew closer, a sweet scent followed him. Like cake. I sniffed. “Why do you smell like sugar?”
“Holden and I made a cake while Amara napped.” He leaned a hip on the island counter and crossed his arms over his chest. “How are you feeling?”’
I stepped closer, and he eyed me warily, like I was a rattlesnake ready to bite. “I’ve been a nightmare, haven’t I?”
He blew out a breath, and his shoulders relaxed a fraction. “A fucking terror, Con.”
“I’m sorry for being an asshole.” Tav opened his mouth, maybe to protest about my sorries, but I had to get this out. “I thought that was a boring enough apology that you’d let it skate.”
He narrowed his eyes. “It’s toeing the line.”
I felt my lips curl into a smile. “Good enough.” I reached for him, wrapping my hand around his hip, but he didn’t sway closer to me, just watched me as I struggled to express myself. “I’m in pain, but that’s something I can handle. My frustration lies in being unable to work properly. I can’t take care of myself. I need to rely on you or Ben or Nik, and I haven’t relied on anyone in decades. I want to hold you. I want to fuck you. I’m impatient, and I want it all now.” I stared at a random spot on the wall beyond his shoulder as I realized all he’d done for the last few days, how I’d felt safe enough to be an asshole, because I trusted Tav to stay with me through it. “And most of all, I keep thinking about how I was only there for a day, and you were there for a week. And when he let you go, was anyone there to take care of you?”
Tav’s neck jerked at that, like he hadn’t expected my train of thought to go there. He frowned. “Con, that had nothing to do with you—”
“Was there? Anyone?” I snapped.
“No,” he answered. “He dropped me off in an apartment with a mattress and told me I had a fight in a week.”
I let the pain roll through me. “Fuck him.”
“That doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is you took care of me after the Shock fight, and now I’m taking care of you. And there isn’t a tally where we need to be even. We’ll take care of each other as much as it takes. That’s who we are, aren’t we?” His hand cupped my cheek and his brows furrowed. “Why’re you shaking, Con?”
I was. My whole body. And not because I was in pain, but because this was all so much. His words. This crash of adrenaline now that Devlin was dealt with. The absence of guilt that I’d clung to like a security blanket for ten years. Because in place of that guilt was a warmth that terrified me, that felt so fucking full that I could burst with it.
“I love you.”
Tav’s body stilled. His only movement was to curl his fingers into my cheek as his eyes bored into mine. “What?” He breathed.
“I love you, Tav. So fucking much I feel like my skin could split.”
His chest heaved. “Con.”
“Kiss me.”
“Your lips are still swollen.”
“I don’t care.”
“Con—”
“Kiss me.” His lips touched mine, just a brush, a tease. I dug my fingers into his hip. “I’m sorry this isn’t romantic.”
“Oh fuck off.” His laughter warmed my skin. “I don’t want romance. I want my tongue in your mouth.”
