The fighter an mm romanc.., p.26
The Fighter: An MM Romance, page 26
I noticed that what made him the most pissed off was when I insulted myself. “Then tell me why we can’t have this conversation.”
“Because it’s hard.” He slammed his fist down on the chair, and something in the furniture creaked. With a groan, the anger seemed to ebb as he pitched forward and dropped his head into his hands. “Fuck, this is hard.”
I reached for him, and his body went limp like a doll. I pulled him into my lap, arranging his legs so they straddled my hips and tucked his face into my neck. His lips dipped to mouth at my collarbone near my bad shoulder. His arms snaked around my body to curl at the short hair at my nape.
“I don’t see you like that,” he murmured against my skin. “You’re not a pet project. But sometimes focusing on you gives me the only reprieve I have from thinking about all my mistakes.”
“That’s not fair to either of us. You want me around for a while? After Devlin is dealt with? Then you have to give to me the same way you get from me.”
He leaned back on my thighs and faced me. His eyes were no longer wet, but sorrow lurked there in the shadows. His fingers played over my face, running along the scars and crooked ridge of my nose, across my lips and then back up to tangle in my hair. Finally his gaze met mine. “I’ll try. That’s all… that’s all I can promise right now. I’ll try.”
I believed him. Con didn’t make promises lightly, and he kept them. He wasn’t going to change overnight, just like I wasn’t. We both had scars and wounds that ran deep. “That’s all I’m asking.”
He smiled, a real one. “One thing I have let myself think about was that if I had given in to Devlin all those years ago, I probably wouldn’t have met you. But you had to go through hell to get here, and…” His jaw shifted, and his eyes went misty.
“And we’re here now. That’s what matters.”
His lips parted, and I swore I saw a bit of the old Con, the one he must have been over a decade ago before he let the guilt descend and taint everything about him. He pressed his lips to mine, and the kiss turned deep quick as he plundered my mouth with his tongue. His cock pressed against mine as he rolled his hips on his lap. He separated us an inch to whisper, “Fuck me, Tav.”
I groaned. I had never been much for topping, but being inside Con was a fucking dream. “Get the lube.”
He shook his head and spit on his hand before reaching back behind him. “No time.”
I snorted. “There’s plenty of fucking time, Con.”
He shook his head, eyes flaring like blue crystals. “No. I want it to hurt a little.”
I stiffened. “No, I—”
“This isn’t a punishment thing.” He shoved his pants off and reached into my briefs. “I just want to feel you for days. Please, Tav.”
When he wrapped his fingers around my cock and tugged it out of my briefs, my eyes rolled back into my head. “Spit,” he ordered. I let my spit drip out of my mouth to coat the head of my cock. His measured breathing dissolved into hard pants as he coated my shaft with my spit. “Fuck, that’s hot.”
And then he rose up onto his knees and lowered himself onto my cock. His muscles resisted at first, and I almost pulled away, but Con was nothing but persistent as he dropped down, inch by agonizing inch until I was fully seated in him. A beautiful blush covered his chest as he arched his neck and began to fuck himself onto me. I held his hip with one hand and braced myself with the other behind me, staring at the place we were connected, at his hard dick bouncing between us with precum glistening the tip.
We were fast and dirty, all harsh groans and skin slapping until I felt my balls draw up tight. It seemed too soon, but Con’s thighs were shaking, and he jerked himself with one hand while staring into my eyes. “Come inside me, Tav.” He rasped. “Fill me. Fill me so fucking full.”
“Con,” I moaned as my head fell back. I gave it up then, my hips bucking as my cock pulsed inside of him. He came on a soft cry, cum shooting all up my chest and over his hand. He went lax against me, slumping into my chest like the dead.
I held him for a moment as the orgasm glow faded, and our breathing returned to normal. Then I pressed a kiss on the top of his head and cleaned us both up before shuffling us into bed. Con fell into an exhausted sleep immediately, his head on my chest, his fingers laced with mine.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Conrad
Outside my office, Tav was making chocolate chip cookies with Holden while Amara relaxed on the couch with a book. I watched them, unsurprised that Tav and his nephew had managed to get flour all over the counters and themselves. I swore I saw egg yolk drip from a cabinet over my sink.
I shifted where I stood leaned against my desk with my hands braced behind me, my ankles crossed. Even now, two days later, I still felt a twinge in my ass from taking Tav. I wished it hurt more. Longer.
“Conrad.” Nik’s voice drew my attention, and I shifted my focus to him and Ben. Both looked weary, and I felt the same. While Tav had been reconnecting with his sister these last few days, Soto had been busy. Our attack on Devlin began with the warehouse and had escalated into more—a gas explosion at his club, assaults on his drug caravans, and random beat downs of his men. The city was on fire. We had them running scared. Devlin was no longer looking for Amara, because he had to retreat and go underground to lick his wounds and likely plan on how to retaliate.
I leaned back on my desk, hands braced behind me and my feet crossed at the ankles. Ben stood at my window staring out at the city as he chewed his lip in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. Nik leaned forward in his seat, elbows on the knees of his spread legs. His tattooed knuckles flexed. “So what’s next?”
“Next phase.” I drummed my fingers on my desk.
“There has to be some other way.” Ben spun around and leaned a shoulder against the glass.
“There isn’t,” I said. “We don’t know where he is. Our inside man has been shut out, because Devlin only has his most trusted crew with him now. He’s bunkered in like a failing dictator.”
“Then send someone else—”
“He’ll kill anyone else, and you know it,” I snapped.
“How are you so sure he won’t kill you?” Nik’s toe tapped the ground, the only sign of his nerves.
“Because he won’t. At least, not right away.”
Nik blew out a ragged breath and pushed back in his seat, unable to look at me. While Nik had been with me back when I was still friends with Devlin, he didn’t know him as well as Ben and I did. I glanced at Ben, who just shook his head sadly at me. “I hate to say it, but Conrad’s right. Devlin won’t kill him. He’ll make him fucking miserable, but he won’t kill him.”
“Yeah?” Nik’s jaw worked. “What if he sends your finger to us? What then, huh?”
I flexed my hand. “Then you put it in a jar for me. I’ll reunite with it when I can.”
“This isn’t fucking funny,” Nik spat.
“I’m not laughing,” I barked back. “But this is my decision. Devlin and I started this, and we’ll end it. One way or another.”
Laughter filtered through the glass doors of my office. Holden was standing on my kitchen island, stomping his little socked feet while Tav tried to tickle him. I wasn’t sure what that had to do with making cookies. Amara joined them, smiling wide as she snatched Holden off the island and spun him in the air while he squealed. Tav took a cookie off a pan and dropped it into his mouth and then flapped his hand in front of his face like the cookie was too hot.
“And what’re you going to tell him?” Nik said.
That was the million-dollar question that I’d asked myself over and over again until I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Tav confronting me over my relationship with Devlin had been nothing short of an axis shift for me. I hadn’t expected him to blame me for his situation, but I’d maybe expected some sort of censured look. But instead, he’d just been Tav—all open and honest and too damn understanding. But he didn’t get it. He couldn’t. No one could understand like I did how badly I’d let down Devlin. And in doing so, the whole city.
So I speared Nik with a look that was all Soto. “Nothing.”
“Jesus, Conrad—” Ben began.
“He’s as protective of me as I am of him.” I stood at my full height, arms crossed over my chest. “And I told him that he’ll never have to fight again, that he’ll never have to follow Devlin’s orders, and I meant that. I don’t even want Devlin breathing the same air as him, but if Tav gets a whiff of our plan, he’ll try to stop it. He listens to me, but his obedience only goes so far, and I know him well enough to know it doesn’t go that far.” Tav would never accept this plan and telling him would force another conversation that I just didn’t want to fucking have. Nik and Ben could protest all they wanted, but in the end, they couldn’t stop me.
But Tav… even if he didn’t realize it, he had the ability to stop me. He weakened all my noble reasons until they were mud beneath my feet. So I couldn’t tell him, or I would never go through with this, and Devlin would never be stopped. Knowing he was out there where he could hurt Tav and Amara was unacceptable to me.
“He stays in the dark. I mean it. Promise me.” I looked at each of them. “Promise me right now that no matter what, you’ll keep him safe and away from all of this. He’s been through enough.”
Ben’s eyes narrowed. “And you haven’t?”
“No,” I answered honestly. “I haven’t been through enough. Not even a fraction of enough.”
Ben rubbed his forehead. “You are not Devlin’s owner. He’s not your wayward dog that you didn’t train well enough, Conrad. He’s his own person. This is not on you.”
They were all a broken record. I was right about this. I knew it. I ignored Ben and gritted my teeth. “Promise me.”
Nik wouldn’t look at me. His nostrils flared, and his only response was a tight head nod at the opposite wall. Ben sighed and braced his hands on his hips. “Yeah, fine, whatever.”
“Enthusiastic,” I muttered sarcastically.
“Oh, fuck off.” Nik rose from his chair, body tight. He finally looked at me, and the sorrow in his eyes floored me.
“Nik, I’m not dead or dying, and I won’t be anytime soon. Quit looking at me like that.”
He shook his head before reaching in his pocket and holding out a ring. “The tracker in this is good for years. Worst case, swallow it. We can still get the signal when it’s in your gut.”
I took it from him and slipped it on my finger. “How did you test that?”
He finally gave me a mean grin. “That’s why Cameron got a bonus last week. Don’t worry,” he gestured at the ring on my middle finger. “It’s been well-sanitized.”
I laughed, but the tone was off. I didn’t feel jolly, even at the thought of Cameron shitting out a tracker ring. “Thank him for his service.”
“What if Devlin doesn’t take the bait?” Nik asked.
Ben answered before I did, his expression grim. “Trust us, Devlin will take the bait.”
That night, I fucked Tav in the kitchen surrounded by the remnants of chocolate chip cookies, and then again in the bed before we fell asleep. I couldn’t seem to get deep enough inside of his body, and I clutched him desperately as I bit down on his shoulder while I came hard. He was a mess, his cock soft after three orgasms and his chest glistening with his cum. He watched me through hazy, half-lidded eyes as I sat on the bed and cleaned him up, feeling reverent as I ran the cloth over his muscled chest.
His fingers circled my wrist. “Hey.”
I couldn’t look him square in the eyes. I settled for somewhere on his cheek. “Hey back.”
He tugged, not to move me, but to get my attention. “Look at me.”
I didn’t want to. He looked ethereal in the moonlight, his two-toned eyes nearly fluorescent. “I am.”
“No, you’re not.” His voice was soft. “What did you talk to Ben and Nik about today?”
My skin was suddenly too tight. I rose from the bed. “Soto stuff.” I walked into the bathroom and out of his sightline, needing a minute to get my bearings. I braced my hands on the bathroom counter and deep-breathed. I had maybe a minute or two before he came after me, which I didn’t want. I had to get back in bed and act like I was fine before he made this a thing.
I threw the cloth in the corner of the room and turned, but I was too late. Tav stood in the doorway naked, his arms crossed over his chest. He didn’t use his size or height to intimidate me, but now he seemed to lord over me, and I didn’t like it. “What?” I snapped.
His gaze snagged mine. “What’s your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem.” I pushed on his shoulder to try to budge him so I could get out of this space that felt way too claustrophobic, but he didn’t budge. Panic clawed up my throat. “Back up.”
“No.”
“Tav—”
“How about you look me in the eye since you didn’t do it once since we entered the bedroom.”
The trapped feeling made me mean. “You didn’t have any complaints while I was fucking you.”
His hands dropped to his sides, and his eyes flashed a warning. “Don’t talk to me like that.”
I glanced down, shame making my face flush. “I’m sorry.”
He didn’t move, but his muscles relaxed a fraction. “It’s never good when you say sorry to me.”
That made me look up. “What does that mean?”
“Because the only time you’ve apologized to me is when you think you’ve hurt me. If you’re apologizing now, I don’t like it. So tell me what the fuck is up with you.”
I met Tav’s gaze now, forcing myself to face him, because it was what he deserved. And I couldn’t handle anything that would come in the next few days if one of my last moments with Tav were spent with tension.
As soon as our eyes met, his whole body went lax, and he smiled. With dimples. He cupped my face and brushed our noses together. “There you are,” he whispered.
I melted as I shoved my face into his neck. “Hug me.” My voice sounded breathy, maybe a little weak, but Tav didn’t care. He wrapped those strong arms around me and squeezed until my lungs burned.
His hold loosened slightly. “Talk to me.”
“I’m stressed.” I had to give him something.
“Then why don’t you talk to me about it?”
“Because I want you to focus on your sister and your nephew, not whatever the fuck Devlin is doing.”
He tensed. “What is he doing?”
I hadn’t kept Tav fully in the dark. He wouldn’t allow it. He knew we were no longer just chipping away at Devlin’s business bit by bit, but that we were now staging an all-out assault. And that we wouldn’t stop until he was finished. Tav had helped us. Although he had never been given access to much information about Devlin’s business, Tav had identified a few properties we were unaware of, and some popular hangouts of his crew.
“He’s gone to ground,” I murmured in his neck as I ran my fingers up and down his spine. “With his most trusted crew.”
“Do you know where?”
“No.”
“Is that what has you stressed?”
“Yes.” That wasn’t a lie.
He was quiet for a moment. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?”
“No.” That wasn’t a lie either. This wasn’t stupid. Risky? Sure. But not stupid. At least I hoped so.
For now, I savored the warmth of Tav’s body against mine, the feeling that I had all my fingers, toes, and teeth. No broken bones. An intact face.
Tav gripped my face, once again forcing me to look him in the eyes. “Don’t do this again.”
“Do what?”
“Keep things from me until it festers in you. I can see it in your eyes.” His thumbs rubbed my jaw. “Do you think I can’t handle it? I worked for Devlin for five years, Con. I’ve seen it all. I’m not weak.”
My breath left my lungs like I’d been punched. “Tav, the last thing I think you are is weak.”
“You stormed into my life and blew it up. I’m going to do the same to you.”
I barked out a dry laugh. “You think my life hasn’t blown up? I’m engaged in a street war with Devlin. I suddenly have a sort of sister-in-law and a four-year-old who calls me Uncle Rad. And then I have you—” I sucked in a breath. “And I have you. And you’re the biggest grenade of all.”
His eyes searched mine. “I don’t mean blowing up this.” He gestured vaguely at my apartment. “I mean in here.” He tapped my temple, and my stomach churned. Didn’t he know that my mind and heart was a war zone because of him too? I clung desperately to the man I’d been for the last ten years, and all the beliefs I’d built my life upon, but Tav’s two-toned gaze was setting fire to it all with a flame-thrower.
He pressed a soft kiss to the tip of my nose, a gesture so sweet that my throat felt tight. “We’re a team. We’re partners and equals, okay?”
That shame returned, burning through my gut like lava. Doubts swirled in my head. Would he ever forgive me for not telling him my plan? I had been so sure I knew what was best, but Ben often said I was too stubborn, too short-sighted to see the big picture.
Tav’s lips parted, and he sighed. “You’re thinking too hard.”
I was also tired, too tired to make a decision tonight. If I said anything now, we’d be up for hours, and I needed sleep. “Just tired,” I said, and that flipped the switch of his caretaker mode. After a soft kiss to my lips, he led me out of the bathroom and directly to the bed where he fussed with the covers until I was bundled up like a burrito.
Then he wrapped his arms around me and plastered our bodies together. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” he murmured. “Sleep, Con.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him everything. That I did think we were partners, that I saw him as an equal. That I wanted forever with them. That I… I loved him. I loved him more than I thought I could love anyone, and that maybe I didn’t deserve him, but it was too late. He was mine now.
But my eyelids drooped, and sleep pulled me under. Tomorrow. I had tomorrow.
