Second chance summer, p.26
Second Chance Summer, page 26
‘I’ve loved meeting them. I’m knackered but I’ve loved it.’
‘They’re livewires, that’s for sure.’
‘And Étienne is a great guy. I’m glad he’s enjoyed the break. He deserves it after what he’s been through.’
‘They’ve all fallen in love with the islands, especially Stark. They want to come back …’ He noticed she fell short of adding that she did.
He hid his disappointment with a joke. ‘So, I might not be getting rubbish reviews after all?’
‘You know you won’t.’ She winced. ‘I’m sorry I was so rude about the retreat when I first arrived. I can hardly believe it was only a couple of weeks ago.’
A couple of weeks that had changed her life? They’d certainly changed his.
‘Anyway,’ she said, ‘you’d never get rubbish reviews.’ She smiled and her eyes were lit by the glow of the fire – or was it an inner glow that had come out during her stay on the islands? Sam smiled to himself, dismissing his romantic notions yet wanting to give in to them too.
‘Étienne gave me a lecture last night.’
‘Did he? What about?’
‘It was about going after your dreams. Not wasting time. I think he feels that he might be ready to move on – romantically, I mean.’
Despite the warmth of the fire, Sam had goosebumps. He sensed Lily was heading along a new path yet hardly dared to hope where it might lead.
‘How do you feel about that?’ he said softly, adding a stick to the fire, hoping to fan the flames of this new and fragile intimacy between them.
‘I was shocked at first. It’s weird – a bit upsetting – to imagine him with anyone but Cara, or the girls with a different mum. Yet I also want him to be happy.’ She looked at Sam. ‘How could I ever wish for anything different?’
He thought back to when Rhiannon had left: how he hadn’t wanted her to be happy; he’d only wanted her to change her mind and come back to him. He didn’t feel that way now … in fact, he hadn’t thought about her for the whole weekend.
He’d only thought about the woman at his side.
Realising this fact made him daring. Possibilities unfurled ahead of him that he hadn’t dared to believe existed. ‘You say you want Étienne to be happy with someone new but what about you?’ he asked. ‘You persuaded me to tell you about Rhiannon but you never mention anyone special.’
‘Oh, I had flings when I was young before Lily Loves was so successful. All of a sudden, I was thirty with a tiger by the tail – Lily Loves took off so fast, I could hardly cope and then there really was no time for love. No time for anything.’
‘Has staying here changed that?’
‘Yes. In so many ways,’ Lily said, watching the fire compete with the fiery ball sliding towards the horizon. The last daylight in the country. The final few hours. ‘Time is so short, like Étienne said.’
‘Étienne is a very wise man,’ Sam said, treading warily, hoping yet fearing her response. ‘Doesn’t that mean we should make the most of the moment that’s in front of us now? And,’ he added softly, ‘take a chance and leave no regrets?’
She looked up into his eyes, her lips parted slightly. He heard her breathing. ‘You’re right. I’d never have done the things I have without taking chances. We should live for now, and not worry about afterwards.’
Her face was lit by the flickering flames – and desire? His pulse quickened when she got to her feet and said, ‘Shall we go for a walk?’
As he stood up, his whole body thrummed with need for her. ‘I’d love that. Where to?’
‘To the ruined cottages. On the far side of the island. Away from it all.’
His heart ached with a painful pleasure. Was she saying what he thought she was? Could this be happening?
She met his gaze, and he knew the answer. He picked up the blankets from the beach and took her hand in his.
‘You have got to be kidding!’ Lily said when she saw him pull off his T-shirt on the sand. The waves broke softly on the beach but further out, there was a swell that rolled in.
‘It’s now or never.’
‘I’ve been in the sea already once this holiday and it’s not an experience I’d like to repeat!’
‘This will be different,’ he said, unzipping his jeans. ‘It’s our choice this time.’
She shook her head. ‘You’re mad.’ Then she tugged her T-shirt over her head. ‘And so am I.’
Seconds later they stood on the beach, Lily in her bra and knickers, Sam in his boxers. She scrunched sand under toenails painted a pearly pink.
‘We’ll get wet,’ she said.
‘We’ll dry. That’s why I brought the blankets.’
Lily stared at him, then at the sea, and heaved a huge sigh. ‘Oh, sod it. You only live once!’
Seconds later, they were hand in hand, running towards the foamy waves, their clothes abandoned on the beach.
‘Oh! Oh!’ She swore extravagantly and loudly because no one could hear. ‘Arghh!’ A wave broke at thigh-height. It was enough to make her stumble.
Sam scooped her up in his arms. ‘I’ve got you!’
She shrieked.
‘And I’ll never let you go – whoops!’
He tossed her from his arms. Her scream of thrilled horror was cut off instantly by the shock of the water. She went under but bobbed up immediately, spluttering and cursing him before he pulled her into his arms again.
He was standing, holding her up, her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck. Sam was frozen yet exhilarated. In holding Lily, he felt he’d finally let go of the past.
‘Lily,’ he said, as the swell lifted him off his feet, ‘I think I might be falling in …’
Suddenly, her eyes widened in horror. ‘Look out!’
He turned to see the foamy crest rolling in behind them. The wave should have knocked them over but somehow he kept his balance and pulled her even tighter.
‘I think that’s enough,’ he said and she nodded, unable to speak because her teeth were chattering. Feet sinking in sand, he carried her back to the beach and set her down.
‘That was––’
‘Absolutely nuts!’ Lily danced up and down, shaking off water droplets. He loved the way her bottom was dusted with sand and wanted to tell her. She drew a blanket around her. ‘It’s freezing.’
Still wrapped in the blanket, she came up to him and stood on tiptoes, covering his mouth with a soft kiss. He put his arms around her and kissed her back and soon they were devouring each other like ravenous creatures. The blanket slipped from her shoulders and, in no time at all, they weren’t cold any longer.
Sam gazed upwards, feeling the warmth of Lily’s body next to him. They’d pulled the other blanket over them to look up into the sky. It wasn’t dark and wouldn’t be. This midsummer twilight would last a few hours until the earth turned its face to the sun again.
All too quickly.
‘You realise we’ll have to sneak back to the retreat.’ She spoke to the stars. ‘Although the girls will be asleep. Probably Étienne too.’
‘Does it matter if they know?’ He rested his fingers on hers under the blanket, feeling their warmth.
‘There might be questions that I don’t have the answers to.’
Finally, he turned to look at her, wondering if these magical times were only a blip in the grand scheme of her life.
She sat up and reached for her top. ‘I suppose we ought to go back to the retreat,’ she said regretfully. ‘We’ve an early start tomorrow.’
With a sinking heart, he sat up too and pulled on his T-shirt. ‘We both do.’
Although he’d urged her not to have any regrets, he could not dismiss the niggle in his mind. Had he been a temporary escape, a therapy she’d needed and would soon learn to do without?
On the walk back to the retreat, Lily too was lost in thought and Sam had a feeling that if he said anything, it might provoke an answer he didn’t want to hear. For all the talk about being honest, about seizing the moment, they were both unable to say how they felt.
He because he felt too much.
Lily because she didn’t want to commit herself or didn’t feel the same way? Sam was thrown back into a maelstrom of uncertainty once more. What he’d feared – that he’d fall in love again with a woman who didn’t feel the same way – seemed perilously close to coming true.
At the hub, he stood still. Lily tilted her head skywards and let out a deep sigh. ‘I’ll miss this,’ she said and her voice held genuine regret that heartened him.
Sam saw the stars too. The same ones he could look on every day of his life though they would never shine as bright without Lily by his side. ‘We’re not that far apart, you know,’ he said, though fearing she might as well be light years away. ‘You can come back any time you like. You’ll always be welcome at Hell Bay House.’ In his bed, in his life, he ached to add.
‘I know.’ She looked at him. ‘Of course I’ll keep in touch.’ She smiled. ‘I’ll have to come and see the place when it’s finished for one thing.’
And for another?
She left the phrase hanging like a loose thread. ‘I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Sam, and thank you.’ She kissed him and added, ‘For everything.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
‘Morning.’
Lily walked in on Sam as he was placing a basket of pastries on the table. He stiffened the moment he saw her.
‘Morning.’ He managed a quick smile. ‘Coffee?’
‘Thanks. Let me help.’
‘It’s your last morning. I’ll do it. You won’t have someone to wait on you after this.’
‘No. That’s true.’ Lily slid into a chair, selecting a pain au chocolat from the basket. She ought to wait for the others but she wanted something, anything, to distract her from looking at him. To think that last night they’d been naked together and had made love on the beach. To think that she had almost told him she was in love with him.
She broke a piece off the pastry and nibbled at it though it was dry in her throat. Despite the previous evening’s activity, her appetite was almost non-existent. Was it too big a risk to tell him she was in love with him after just a couple of weeks? She’d never made such a rash and risky decision in her life before, but love hadn’t played by the rules: it had borne her on like a wave, lifted her up and down, swept her along in its path. She’d decided to let go of the helm of her business, to take time for herself, spend more of it with her family … but loving Sam?
That was totally out of her control and it terrified her.
He returned with a cafetière and a jug of orange juice. The smile on his face was strained. ‘Would Étienne prefer tea? Or is that a stupid question?’
‘I think you know the answer,’ Lily said with a forced smile of her own.
He put the cafetière and jug down next to her. She caught his hand before he could move away.
‘Sam.’
He looked up sharply.
‘Last night … was wonderful and I will keep in touch.’
The conversation was terminated by the arrival of two mini whirlwinds, with their father close behind.
Sam withdrew his fingers. ‘I have to get the rest of the breakfast.’
‘Hellooooooo!’ the girls said and ran up to the table. Tania started trying to pour the juice.
‘Hold on, let me help,’ Sam said, rescuing the heavy jug and half-filling her glass.
Étienne clapped his hands together and inhaled. ‘Is that the smell of pains au chocolat?’
‘It is!’ Lily said.
‘Did you sleep well?’ Étienne asked when Sam went in the kitchen. The girls were crunching on cereal and giggling over some shared in-joke.
Lily wasn’t fooled by his innocent tone. ‘Yes. I was tired out after our day sightseeing.’
‘Me too,’ Étienne said. ‘Even these two didn’t wake me in the night, though I had the devil of a job to get them to pack. We seem to have acquired extra stuff. Tania had a bag of pebbles in her case and Amelie had a dried dogfish egg case!’
‘It was a mermaid’s purse, Daddy. Sam explained all that and you should have paid attention,’ Amelie said sadly, as if Étienne was a clueless first-year medical student.
‘Whatever it is, it stinks and it isn’t coming home with us.’
‘Why can’t I take all my pebbles?’ Tania piped up accusingly.
‘We have stones in London,’ Étienne said. ‘And I said you could take a few of your favourites with Amelie’s shells.’
Sam came back in.
‘Can we come back and get some more?’ Tania said.
Étienne exchanged a glance with Lily.
‘Of course we can come back. It’s not long until the school holidays.’
‘Can we stay here?’ Amelie asked.
‘If Sam has room. The cottages might be booked.’
Tania shook her head and pouted. ‘He would let us stay anyway. He would make other people move out.’
‘I don’t think he could do that, sweetheart,’ Étienne said.
Sam smiled. ‘I’d find room for you somehow. Whenever you decide to come back.’ He shared a glance with Lily and she felt like crying.
Perhaps sensing the tension between them, Étienne stepped in. ‘Girls, please finish your breakfast because we have a plane to catch and they won’t wait for us.’
‘Can I get you anything else?’ Sam said, back in host mode.
‘No, thanks,’ Lily and Étienne said in unison.
‘In that case, I’ll load your luggage onto the boat.’ He held up his hands to forestall any argument. ‘Please stay here and enjoy breakfast. I’ll get everything ready so we can get away as soon as you’ve finished.’
After that, there was no chance to speak alone with him. Time galloped by and soon they were stepping onto the Hydra, mooring at Tresco then trundling in the golf buggy to the heliport.
‘Stay by me!’ Étienne ordered, taking his daughters by the hand as the helicopter landed.
‘I don’t want to go home!’ Tania wailed.
‘I want to see Laura!’ Amelie said, referring to their nanny. ‘She can come with us next time.’
‘Laura’s gone to Ibiza with her boyfriend,’ Étienne said. ‘I’m sure she’s enjoyed her holiday too. Oh, look, there’s a red squirrel on the field.’
‘Will it jump on the helicopter?’
Lily didn’t hear what Étienne replied to Tania. She took her chance to speak to Sam.
I need time was a cop-out so she shifted into a mode she was more comfortable with: business. ‘How long do you think you need to finish the retreat?’
‘A month? Maybe less if we push it.’
She nodded. ‘Do you have any takers for the housekeeper and chef’s jobs?’
‘The chef said yes. I’ve had a couple of possibles for the housekeeper. One can start straightaway.’ He frowned. ‘Lily, why are you asking this now?’
‘Because I’m going to come back to visit you in four weeks’ time and help you throw an official opening bash for the Stark Retreat.’
‘If you say so.’ He gave a wry smile that was tinged with sadness and doubt.
‘I can see you don’t believe me but I will. The Lily who arrived isn’t the one who’s leaving.’
‘The one who arrived was just fine. More than fine; she’d just lost her way.’ The gentleness with which he said it, the sincerity in his eyes, almost made her wobble and say that she would stay. Instead, she pulled back just in time.
‘I never make promises I can’t keep. You do understand?’
Sam said, ‘I do, and I’d never ask you to make a promise apart from this: promise me you won’t change your life for me.’
The rotor noise increased. Lily ignored it. ‘What do you mean?’ She was practically shouting.
‘Auntie Lily!’ Tania and Amelie tugged on her hands and dragged her away from Sam. ‘Daddy says we have to go now or you’ll be left behind.’
Étienne strode over.
‘You should go,’ Sam said.
‘We’ll miss you,’ the girls shouted.
‘I’ll miss you. I’ll miss you all.’ Then he turned away and Lily was ushered towards the helicopter.
The islands fell away, like water through her hands. Soon they were mere shapes on a map, their ragged edges surrounded by aquamarine sea. In minutes they were memories and only the ocean was visible, flecked with frothy white caps and dotted with ships.
Across the aisle, the girls were pointing and chattering but Lily couldn’t hear the words. A lighthouse came into view, then tall cliffs and a castle off the coast – St Michael’s Mount – and, weirdly, a large retail park. The helicopter skimmed perilously close to a Sainsbury’s before landing neatly on a yellow circle.
Lily said a silent prayer and sank back in the seat.
‘It’s OK. We’re alive.’ Étienne’s hand was on her arm when she opened her eyes. He was smiling at her as the rotors slowed to a halt. He pointed out of the window. ‘And look, I could pop to those shops for a lawn mower and some baked beans.’
‘You don’t have a lawn,’ Lily said.
Étienne smiled at her. She knew he was trying to lighten the mood.
Tania fiddled with her safety belt. ‘That was awesome!’
‘Stay in your seats, please!’ Étienne ordered.
A few minutes later, they’d collected their bags and clambered into Étienne’s car. Lily rested her head against the seat, grateful she didn’t have to make the long journey back to London by train on her own. The chatter of the children would distract her from the fact that every mile took her further from Scilly and from Sam.
Already the land seemed so big, so built-up, compared to the islands. Too many cars, too many people, too many questions – too many decisions to make.
The girls wore headphones and were playing on their tablets in the rear of the car.
‘Missing it?’ Étienne said. ‘Missing him?’
Lily’s heart shrank a little more. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think you’ve left a piece of your soul behind.’
She saw Sam turn his back again, heard his desperate plea: ‘promise me you won’t change your life for me.’ What had he meant by that? Don’t make an effort? Don’t come back? Don’t fall in love with me?
