Never forget you, p.31
Never Forget You, page 31
The last thing she remembered before that moment was huddling in her bathroom after the hen night, the echoes of Justin’s pounding on the front door echoing through her head. She’d never been so terrified in her whole life – and after three years with Justin, that was saying something. It was as if she’d been teleported from the darkest moment she’d ever experienced right into the middle of her sister’s wedding. Who wouldn’t freak out if that happened to them?
Her dad had taken her aside and explained the memory loss to her, but she still couldn’t get her head around it. She’d disappeared and ended up in Scotland? It just didn’t sound real.
And being back at Hadsborough Castle wasn’t helping. Why hadn’t she told Lo it really was a big deal when Isaac had set his heart on this venue? Probably because, last summer, she’d been in denial, telling herself Justin was part of her past and not her future. If she’d been aware of how bad he was going to get, she’d never have brushed her misgivings under the carpet.
A soft knock on the cubicle door made her jump up as if she’d been electrocuted. ‘Lil? Are you in there? Are you okay?’
Lili placed a palm against her thudding breastbone, swiped at her tear-stained cheeks and opened the door.
‘Oh, sis …’ Lo said when she saw her and drew her into a hug. ‘I am so, so glad that you remember us all again, but I know this must be really hard for you.’ She pulled back to look at her. ‘Do you want me to cut the reception short so we can take you to a doctor? We can have a big party another time. You know, like people do when they get married abroad.’
‘No, please don’t do that,’ Lili said huskily. ‘I’ve ruined enough of your wedding day as it is.’
‘Okay, but once we’ve cut the cake and had the first dance, I’m asking Kerry to take you back to Mum and Dad’s. To be honest, you’ll be doing me a favour if you get her out of here. Do you remember that birthday party where she did the “Thriller” dance, zombie shuffled a bit too convincingly and fell over, taking out a whole table?’
Lili couldn’t help smiling. She did remember that, and the fact she was able to made her want to cry again.
‘And then tomorrow we’ll take you back to the hospital, just to be sure.’ Lo hugged her again. ‘I know I’ve said this before, but I’m so sorry I didn’t understand the full depth of how Justin treated you until it was too late, and I’m sorry that I allowed him to drive a wedge between us.’
Lili squeezed her back. ‘It wasn’t your fault. Isn’t that what you tell me when I start beating myself up about being with him? We all know how good he was at manipulating people, and he fooled the lot of us.’ Her dad had been livid when he’d found out the truth about the knight in shining armour who’d supposedly saved his daughter. And she reckoned her normally placid mum would still punch him in the face if she got the chance.
‘I’m telling you now, sis, I’ve got your back – one hundred per cent. I’m going to make sure that nothing ever happens to make you lose yourself that way again.’ Lo hugged her again then took her hand. ‘Now, come on … Us against the world. The evening reception’s about to start and I need my maid of honour by my side.’
It was just after seven o’clock when Ben arrived at Hadsborough Castle. He walked through the grounds to the Tithe Barn, his pulse trotting. He’d managed to buy a plain shirt and a pair of trousers, and he’d borrowed a tie from Marco, which he now realised was a mistake. For some reason, it just wouldn’t sit right, no matter how he tied it.
It felt like he was going on a first date, and he was a jumble of nerves, even though he and Lili had been calling and texting as much as possible over the last twenty-four hours. It was strange, although he’d first known her by that name, he was struggling to stop thinking of her as Alice. He sighed. It would come.
He gave his name to an usher at the door, who nodded and scurried away, then moved further into the function room. By the looks of things, he’d arrived at the barn just in time for the cutting of the cake. He scooted to the back of the crowd, scanning it for any sign of a wavy, blonde bob. When the bride and groom arrived at the podium to plunge a knife into the three-tiered wonder, he spotted a group of bridesmaids, all in floor-length green velvet, and – yes! – there she was, standing at the back, holding a half-full glass of champagne.
He kept his eyes on her, willing her to look his way, but her gaze was trained on her sister and new brother-in-law. When the bridal party scattered in different directions, Ben made a beeline for the maid of honour. ‘Hi,’ he said, smiling – well, grinning – at her. The moment he’d been waiting for, not just for forty-eight hours but for five-and-a-half years, had finally come.
She’d been talking to one of the other bridesmaids and she turned to look at him. ‘Hi,’ she said back, and she smiled too, but it seemed a watered-down version of the ones he’d seen on FaceTime earlier that day. Her reaction seemed a little … not wrong, just … not right, either.
But then her smile solidified into a frown. ‘You …!’ she said. ‘You’re Ben the Photographer!’
Yes, he was, although that seemed an odd way to say hello, but … whatever. He stepped forwards to kiss her cheek, but she backed away from him. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
Ben froze. ‘Alice … What’s wrong?’
She looked back at him in bemusement, then let out a short, hard laugh. ‘You’re incredible … Five and a half years, Ben! Five and a half years of silence, and then you just turn up at my sister’s wedding reception and behave like nothing happened.’ Ben wanted to remind her she’d been the one to invite him, but his brain didn’t seem to be in a hurry to send the signal to his mouth.
‘And to make matters worse, you couldn’t even get my name right! My name’s Lili, not Alice!’ And then she threw the contents of her glass of champagne over him, which hit him square in the face and then dripped downwards onto Marco’s tie.
What …? How …?
And then the penny dropped. Only, it wasn’t as something as light and inconsequential as a coin; a whacking great boulder of ice crashed from his brain down to his gut and lay there, freezing his innards.
Lili’s memories were back, and Alice’s …?
Well, they were gone.
Chapter Sixty-One
Now.
BEN STOOD THERE, his face damp with champagne, and stared at the space where Alice … no, Lili had just been standing. He could do with a drink. Or, more accurately, another drink. One he wasn’t actually wearing. Still dazed, he wandered to the bar and ordered himself a double Scotch, knocking it back in less time than it took to pour it.
What was he going to do now? It hurt his head to try to work out all the implications of what had just happened. Before he could even start, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find the usher he’d given his name to earlier standing there with the bride. For some reason, she didn’t look very pleased to see him.
‘Ben Robertson?’
‘Yes.’
‘Thanks, Tayo,’ she said to the usher. ‘I’ll take it from here.’ She stared at Ben for a moment. ‘You look familiar … We haven’t met before, have we?’
He shook his head. Lili had talked a lot about her sister when they’d been in London together, but he didn’t even remember seeing a photo of her.
He was about to say as much when she added, ‘I need to have a word with you. Outside.’ And she hooked her hand in Ben’s elbow and steered back through the double doors he’d only just come through and kept going until they were a short distance from the barn. ‘Have you seen Lili yet?’
‘Yes,’ he replied, even though that solitary word did nothing to encompass the jaw-dropping experience of their last encounter.
Elodie swore. ‘I was hoping to head you off before she saw you.’
‘I said hello and she threw her drink over me.’
‘She did?’ Elodie’s frown deepened. ‘I knew she might be off-kilter because … but that doesn’t seem very … I mean, I don’t know why she would …’
There was a whole load more to this story than her sister knew, obviously. ‘I’m guessing her memories came back,’ he said flatly, thinking it wouldn’t be a bad idea if they both filled each other in on what they knew.
‘Yes,’ Elodie replied, shoving her confusion to one side and picking up his thread. ‘A couple of hours ago.’
‘And her memories of the time she was away with me are …?’
‘Gone. Yes.’
Ben took a moment to absorb this, dully aware of something akin to a landslide happening inside. He’d known this was a possibility, of course. But now he realised he’d been too blinded by hope to really believe it would happen. It just seemed too cruel when he’d only just found her again.
‘I was hoping to get to you first, warn you she might not recognise you, but I didn’t realise she’d be so rattled by seeing you that she would …’ She drifted off, looking confused again, but then her expression became more determined. ‘I suppose that makes what I’m going to say a bit easier.’
She sighed heavily, then carried on. ‘Listen, my family are really grateful for everything you did for my sister, but I want to know if you’re willing to do me a favour … Well, not for me really – for Lili.’
‘Of course.’ He’d do just about anything for her.
‘I’m sure you’re a really nice guy, and this will probably seem really unfair, but I’m asking because it’s what she needs.’ Her eyes became shiny, and her voice roughened. ‘My sister was in so much mental turmoil last week that her brain just seemed to … I don’t know … switch a part of itself off. And you are intimately connected to that experience. I’m worried that if she sees you, it might take her back to that dark place, that it might even trigger the same thing happening again. Do you understand?’
He nodded. He didn’t like it, but he did.
‘She doesn’t remember being the person you spent the last week with. She has no idea who “Alice” is – or who you are – and I’m asking you to let it stay that way. I’m asking you to go back to wherever you’ve come from and not contact her again.’
Ben opened his mouth but Elodie got in first.
‘She’s been through so much over the last few years, even without this recent disappearing act. She needs some peace and stability in her life at the moment – and you can give that to her by doing this. Please, Ben?’
It was the desperation in her voice that got him. She was right – he could do this for Lili. Even though he didn’t want to. Even though it felt like giving up. But what else could he do? He wanted to make her happy but look at how she’d reacted when she’d seen him. Without the memories of the previous week, he would only ever be the loser who’d ghosted her all those years ago.
The bride looked at him, eyes full of hope. ‘Do you think this is something you can do? For Lili?’
Ben stared back at her, so much like her sister. He could tell she loved Lili fiercely, and this was what Lili needed right now, wasn’t it, to be with people who could love and protect her? It was what he’d promised he’d do for her. Whether he liked it or not, his job here was done.
He nodded, ignoring the crushing sensation in his chest. ‘Yes. That’s something I can do.’
The day had already been the strangest day of Lili’s life and then he’d turned up. What was he doing here at Lo and Isaac’s wedding? Didn’t she have enough to deal with already?
And the way he’d rocked up, all smiles and sexy long legs, saying ‘Hi’ – as if they were old friends, as if he hadn’t disappeared into the mist, never to be seen again. When he’d got her name wrong, she’d lost it.
She didn’t know what she was more upset about, the fact she’d thrown her drink over him, creating yet another moment of drama, or that a tiny pathetic part of herself had leapt up and sung for joy when she’d seen him.
She strode out of the main function room and down the corridor that led to both the toilets and fire exit. The look on his face when she’d chucked her champagne all over him had been priceless. She’d laugh if she wasn’t so stupidly close to tears.
She ducked into the safety of the ladies’ once more – they were going to have to name one of these cubicles after her soon – but finding both the stalls occupied, she walked right back out again and followed the corridor to the fire exit. When she stepped outside, she found her cousin Kerry having a sneaky fag.
Kerry lifted an eyebrow and held out the pack. Lili shook her head, but joined her cousin in staring silently into the darkness. A short while later, Lo crashed through the fire exit looking more than a little ruffled. ‘There you are! I was getting worried. I couldn’t see you anywhere.’
Lili sighed. ‘Just needed some fresh air.’
Lo scowled at Kerry, who shrugged, stubbed her cigarette out on the ground, then made herself scarce. When she was gone, Lo collapsed back against the wall. ‘What a day …’
‘Sorry,’ Lili muttered, staring down at her dress.
‘Don’t you do that,’ Lo said. ‘None of this is your fault. Got it?’
‘Okay.’
Lo smiled. ‘You could sound more convincing, but that’ll do for now.’
They stood there in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the cool air after the heat of the reception room. Somewhere in the distance, an owl hooted. ‘Can I ask you something?’ Lili said.
‘Fire away.’
‘How on earth did you end up inviting Ben the Photographer to your wedding?’ ‘Ben the Bloody Photographer,’ Lo reminded her, resurrecting the name she’d given him in a show of sisterly solidarity. ‘And I didn’t invite him. I’ve never even met him. What are you talking about?’
‘Well, somebody did. Because he was just here!’
Lo started to chuckle. ‘That’s impossible! There’s no way I’d ever invite Ben the …’ she trailed off, looking both confused and concerned at the same time.
‘Lo?’ Lili asked, leaning forward to get a better look at her sister’s face. ‘You okay?’
Lo seemed frozen in space. ‘Um …’ she said, looking most distressed.
And then Lili felt terrible for bringing it up at all. She’d already hijacked significant parts of her sister’s big day. She did not need to make a mountain out of that molehill. That was done and dusted, more than five years in the past. There had to be a safer subject she could steer the conversation on to. ‘You said you’d invited the guy who helped me get from Scotland back to London,’ she began. ‘Any sign of him yet?’
But, if anything, Lo’s face grew even more pinched. She stared back at Lili, and then, very slowly, shook her head. ‘He … He couldn’t make it after all.’
‘That’s a pity. I wanted to thank him. There’s no telling where I’d have ended up without his help.’
Lo seemed to recover herself, pushing away from the wall and pulling open the fire door that hadn’t quite properly slammed shut behind Kerry. ‘Maybe it’s for the best,’ she said, as she stepped across the threshold and beckoned Lili to follow her. ‘You’ve got a great new future to look forward to. Let’s leave the past in the past.’
Part IV
One Month Later
Chapter Sixty-Two
Now.
BEN FOUND HIS aunt sitting in Fernpoint’s garden, taking a break with a large cup of coffee and enjoying the March sun, as she sat on a bench and watched Willow desperately attempting to turn a skipping rope more than twice before she tripped herself up and landed flat on the grass. It didn’t stop her trying, though.
He showed Norina a large A4 envelope. ‘Those papers I’ve been waiting on arrived.’
‘You’re really going to do it?’ She lowered her voice so Willow couldn’t hear. ‘You’re going to notify the council you’d like to adopt her?’
Ben nodded. When he’d got back from England, close to a month ago, he’d resumed his search for the man named on Willow’s birth certificate. A stroke of luck in finding one of Cat’s friends had given him the lead he needed and he’d gone down to Glasgow to meet the guy. He hadn’t been interested, had told Ben in no uncertain terms he wanted nothing to do with the kid, that he wasn’t even sure it was his and had seemed quite relieved when Ben had asked if he’d consider giving up his parental rights. Even though Ben’s heart had broken once again for Willow, he was pleased the matter was going to be settled once and for all.
Willow spotted him, dropped her skipping rope and ran towards him. ‘Uncle Ben! Are we going on our fairy walk now? You promised!’
‘That we are. Go and get your coat.’
Ben walked behind his niece when they reached the castle grounds, keeping an eye on her as she ran along the wide path, over the bridge and into the woodland beyond. There was a strange feeling of lightness in his chest, despite the disappointments of recent weeks. Part of it was that he was excited to begin the adventure of watching Willow grow up, of being the best father he could be to her, but there was something else …
‘Look!’ Willow called, running into a small clearing in the woodland. ‘Can you see it? Can you? I think it’s a fairy, I really do!’
Ben looked to where she was pointing. He could see something glinting high up in the breeze, the sun catching it from behind, and it twirled and floated up between the trees. If it were later in the year, he’d have said it was a dandelion head lit up by the long rays of the afternoon sun, but it couldn’t be that, and a wisp of sheep’s wool caught in the wind would probably be too heavy to float that high. ‘I think you might be right, Willow. I really do.’
She ran over and jumped into his arms, squeezed him tight and said in a breathless voice, ‘Oh, Uncle Ben! I’m so happy I could burst!’
He hugged her back, revelling in the feel of her warm little body against his. ‘Willow?’
She looked up at him, eyes bright and trusting.
‘How would you feel about calling me “Daddy”?’
