Never forget you, p.23
Never Forget You, page 23
He felt guilty about not being back in Invergarrig when he said he would, but he was already going to be a day late, thanks to the snow, and when he’d called Norina, she’d said Willow had hardly batted an eyelid. Of course she’d be fine if he stayed a bit longer. Which was just as well because, until he was absolutely sure there was no hope, he wasn’t letting Alice out of his sight.
Inside the service station, he and Alice opted for the coffee shop, grabbing a couple of sandwiches and hot drinks, then sat down to eat them while listening to the music being piped from speakers hidden amongst the exposed heating vents in the ceiling. An eighties mix, he guessed, as he made short work of his ham and cheese toastie.
When he finished it, he leant back in his chair, stretching his legs out and crossing one foot over the other, and his eyelids drifted closed. It was tempting to let himself nod, seeing as he’d only snatched a few hours’ sleep the night before. ‘Every Breath You Take’ by The Police was playing, and he was mulling over the haunting, slightly claustrophobic mood of the song when a chair leg scraped against the floor. He opened his eyes, but it took him a second or two to realise that while Alice’s coat was hung over the back of her chair, Alice herself was nowhere to be seen.
A cold spike of fear shot through him. So much for not taking his eyes off her! Where was she? He stood up to see above the heads of the other diners and spotted her jogging towards the entrance. When the automatic doors slid open, she kept running out into the night. Ben didn’t stop to think. He took off after her.
‘Alice?’ he called out as he neared the exit, and spotted her standing on the kerb overlooking the car park, arms wrapped around herself. She didn’t turn, didn’t answer. He picked up speed.
When he reached her and touched her arm lightly, she jumped as if she was surprised he was there, maybe even as if she was surprised that she was there, instead of listening to the music in the warm café. While it wasn’t snowing this far south, the temperature was still icy.
‘Are you okay? What’s going on?’
Alice inhaled a jagged breath. ‘I don’t know. I think I need to … to …’ She looked up at him helplessly. ‘I don’t know. I just … It was that song …’ Her eyes widened, as if the words she’d just said were a revelation to her just as much as they were to him. ‘I really hate that song!’
‘You hate The Police?’
Alice pressed her lips together and shook her head. ‘No. I don’t … I don’t hate the band, not at all. It’s the song. That particular one. And now I feel a bit … strange. Like my head is buzzing. Racing. I think I might— Oh!’
Ben stepped closer.
‘I just saw …’ She looked at him with terror in her eyes. ‘I just had another one of those flashes … an image of something. But this time it was longer. Clearer. And I could hear that song playing in the background. Every move you …’ She trailed off and hugged herself tighter.
‘What did you see?’ Ben asked quietly.
She swallowed. ‘It was the same thing, almost, as the last time … the bridal shop, the mirror. I was wearing a … Oh, God! I was wearing the wedding dress. It was me!’ Her fingers moved to her neck, touched the skin there. ‘The collar was scratchy and tight … But I wasn’t really looking at the dress. I was looking at my reflection. It was as if I was looking at another person …’ She swallowed. ‘I think she was trying to send me a message.’ Her lips trembled. ‘I think she was telling me to get out of there. To run.’
Ben reached out and pulled Alice into his arms, where she stood, shivering. It wasn’t like earlier, he reasoned. This was about safety, about making a friend feel better when they were having a wobble. ‘It’s freezing out here,’ he said. ‘And the coach is going to leave shortly. Let’s just grab our coffees and get back on board.’ He was much less likely to lose her again there, especially as she preferred sitting next to the window.
When they got on board, Alice slid into her seat. He sat beside her in silence, knowing that she needed time to process what she’d remembered, giving her space, even though he was desperate to ask questions.
After about ten minutes, she picked her handbag up from beside her feet, unzipped the side pocket and carefully pulled out the crumpled invitation. ‘The wedding …’ she said, her voice trembling. ‘The one I’m trying to get to … I have a horrible feeling it might be mine.’
Chapter Forty-Five
Now.
ALICE STARED AT the invitation in her hands. She studied every word, taking in the play of light on the gold foil on the bride and groom’s names, following each scrolling letter with her eyes until the words became nothing but shapes and lines without meaning.
Was that her name? Her full name?
She felt no connection to it at all.
No. It couldn’t be true.
The coach rumbled on towards London, joining the M25 near Heathrow Airport, then coming off again to head into the urban sprawl, through the city towards Victoria Coach Station, just a stone’s throw from Buckingham Palace.
It had to be a memory that she’d experienced standing outside the service station. Something real. Otherwise, why would the same image keep slapping her around the head, getting stronger each time, getting clearer? It was as if her brain was trying to say, Wake up! Listen!
She ran her fingertips across the embossed lettering of the invitation, then slid it carefully into the side pocket of her handbag before staring at the back of the seat in front of her. She wanted to put her hands over her ears and go ‘la, la, la’. She wanted to take Ben by the hand when the coach stopped and just get the first one back to Scotland.
Was she right? Was she really about to get married?
A wedding should be the happiest day of someone’s life, full of joy and excitement, so why did the images in her head trouble her so much? Of course, this uneasy feeling could just be a hallucination, her brain misfiring. There might be a groom, searching frantically for her, worried sick. If there were, she’d probably put him through the worst week of his life. But, somehow, even if she managed to squash this sense of foreboding, she couldn’t bring herself to care about him. He was a stranger.
She sure as hell didn’t want to marry him.
A tear leaked from the corner of her eye, and she bowed her head. Ben pulled a small packet of tissues from his pocket and handed them to her. Warmth flared inside her chest. She looked at him gratefully, then she wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
‘Are you okay?’
He asked her that a lot, didn’t he? Which hinted she was becoming a responsibility to him, one he shouldn’t have. Other things should be his priority right now, like an adorable little girl who desperately needed a father figure. And helping her get to the wedding rehearsal was taking him away from that.
‘I’m okay. Just feeling a bit weird. As if none of this can be real.’
Ben nodded sympathetically. ‘I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, but I had an idea of a way – possibly – to get more information.’
‘You do?’ Her heart did a little leap. Maybe they could find something that would prove she was wrong?
‘If we assume these “flashes” can be trusted, that they’re real memories, it tells us a few things. Leaving aside whether you’re the bride or not, if you were at a dress fitting, you’re not just a plus-one that somebody’s cousin is bringing along. What if we phoned the venue again? Not to ask for information about the wedding itself, but about the rehearsal. We know things that only someone with an invite would know. We might be about to find out something useful. What do you think?’
‘I’m willing to give it a shot.’ Anything to disprove her theory and make it all nonsense.
‘It’s probably after hours, but if they do evening events, we might get hold of someone. If not, we’ll just try again in the morning.’ He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket, found the number on his list of recent calls, then put the phone on speaker, the volume on low.
The receptionist who picked up didn’t sound as chirpy and well-scripted as Alice expected her to. She sounded like somebody’s grandma – someone’s Scottish grandma.
Ben introduced himself and said he was checking on the exact location of the rehearsal tomorrow night. The invite had been lost, and he wanted to make sure he was going to the right place.
The woman’s tone brightened considerably when she heard him. ‘Och, don’t worry about that,’ she said, and Alice could hear the clacking of fingernails on a keyboard. ‘I’ll soon find that out … Yup, it’s six-thirty p.m. at the Tithe Barn. Use Car Park C because that’s the closest, and just follow the signs. Turn left after the maze. And don’t forget to bring the confirmation email because you won’t get in without it – the castle grounds close to the public at six.’
‘That’s great. Thank you so much.’
The woman sighed. ‘But keep an eye on your inbox … You know, in case they actually do cancel.’
Alice looked at Ben, eyes wide. He didn’t break eye contact as he replied to the woman on the phone. ‘Of course. It’s … It’s definitely keeping us all guessing.’
The woman laughed. ‘So it would. The phones have been ringing off the hook about it all week. It’s not every day someone from the bridal party goes AWOL.’
Alice’s stomach dropped. She felt as if a trap door had opened up underneath her, that she’d fallen through the belly of the bus and hit the motorway tarmac with a splat. Oh, God … Where was fresh air when you needed it? She reached up and fiddled with the array of knobs and buttons above her head, trying to find a blast of cold air, but only succeeded in turning on the reading light.
Ben frowned but carried on. ‘I know … It’s all been very shocking. Can you tell me how likely it is the wedding’s going ahead?’
‘Hm, I shouldn’t, really. It would only be speculation …’
Ben’s accent thickened a little. ‘I know,’ he said smoothly, ‘but I’m just trying to work out if I should return my gift or no.’ With all those rolling ‘r’s and lilting words, he might as well have been purring into the phone.
‘Well now …’ Her voice lowered in the same way it might have done if she’d been having a good old gossip with a friend. ‘I don’t think it’s likely. Management have been pretty hush-hush about it, but I did overhear someone saying they’re not holding their breath that the missing woman will turn up. We’re all pretty sure it’s the bride.’
Alice’s lungs stopped working. She couldn’t take any more … She pulled the phone out of Ben’s hand and jabbed her finger on the screen to end the call and then shoved it back at him and stared at the seatback in front of her, heart hammering.
Since the train had broken down the night before, she’d been scared she wouldn’t get to the wedding rehearsal on time. But, at that present moment, she was terrified she would.
Chapter Forty-Six
Two weeks before the wedding.
‘MORE COCKTAILS!’ LO yelled at a passing waiter. No one defied my sister when she was in one of her strident moods, so he obediently arrived with another round of mojitos a few minutes later. She handed me one. ‘Bottoms up!’ she said, grinning, before taking a large slurp. If there was one thing to say about my sister, it was that she knew how to throw a party.
And this party was for me, my hen night. Lo had originally wanted to do a weekend in Dublin, as my cousin had done, but Justin hadn’t liked the idea of multiple nights away, lots of girls behaving badly and getting drunk. It wasn’t classy, he said. Why not do something more low-key?
However, I’m not sure my maid of honour had understood the assignment. Or maybe she had, and just decided to book a noisy, colourful South American restaurant in Soho, full of partying groups, because she knew it was exactly what my fiancé would object to.
Whatever the reason, she was doing her best to work her way through the cocktail menu. Maybe she was a bit nervous? I certainly was. Although things had been better between us recently, they still weren’t back to normal.
We were a small party, only seven of us. Lo, plus her best friend Maddy, and then four of my old school friends, whom I hadn’t seen in a couple of years. It wasn’t until I’d had to put a guest list together that I realised how few friends I had, especially female ones. I hadn’t really made any at the Conservatory, and after that, I’d been pretty much a hermit. Nowadays, nearly all my time was spent with Justin, and I lived in a different part of London, so I supposed it was hardly surprising.
However, I was enjoying celebrating with people my age, being silly and not thinking about what the most elegant or well-mannered thing to do was. After all the stress of preparing for the wedding, it was a wonderful way to let off steam.
‘I know!’ Lo yelled, even though we were sitting very close together at our table. ‘Let’s go to a club!’
The rest of the girls began throwing out possible names, but I leaned closer to Lo and said, ‘I told Justin I’d be home by eleven.’
‘Oh, come on … You love dancing. And it’s your hen night. Besides,’ Lo added, waggling her eyebrows, ‘I’ve got a surprise lined up.’
When I saw the naughty smirk she was wearing, my stomach dropped. ‘Lo … No strippers! We agreed that, remember?’ Justin had been very clear about that.
My sister mimed crossing her heart with her finger. ‘Wouldn’t dream of it,’ she said, her eyes wide and innocent. ‘Come on … We’re having such fun!’ She leaned in, put her arm around me, and gave me a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek. Yep. Lo had definitely had quite a few cocktails. However, the alcohol had loosened us both up a little bit, and I was enjoying laughing with my sister after the months of frostiness.
‘Let me go and call Justin.’ I stood up so I could go and find a quieter spot.
‘Just send a text!’ Lo said, grabbing my arm and pulling me back down again.
‘No, it would be better if I call. Justin’s just a bit sensitive after all the things his ex put him through.’ Also, I knew I needed to lay the groundwork, break it to him the right way so he wouldn’t get upset later on. It was much better to head things off at the pass than have to deal with one of his moods.
It took me about twenty minutes to convince Justin I’d be all right staying out longer. I could tell he really didn’t want me to, but Lo was right. It was my hen night. When was I ever going to get to do this again?
Lo lied. We did indeed go to a club, and there were indeed strippers. She had a whale of a time egging them on. I vacillated between cringing and laughing and was glad when the whole thing was over so we could get back to dancing. Lo had been right about that too – I really did love to dance.
More cocktails were consumed, and when we spilled out onto the chilly street outside the club, to join the queue for taxis, I looked at my phone and gasped. ‘It’s two-thirty! Justin is going to be frantic!’
Lo swayed on her stilettos and placed a palm on a nearby lamppost to steady herself. The other girls were deep in some gossip about someone they all knew back in Penge. ‘Sensitive, my arse,’ she said, blinking slowly and trying to focus on my face. ‘That man is controlling.’
Really? This again? ‘Don’t start, Lo. Please. We’ve had such a nice night …’
Lo held her hands up in surrender. ‘Okay, okay. I didn’t mean to … you know.’
I sighed. I did know. My little sister was a straight shooter, and nothing was going to change that. And while it irritated me no end, I knew she wasn’t coming from a bad place.
‘But don’t you think he’s just a little …?’
Unfortunately, drunk Lo was even more reluctant to let things lie than Sober Lo. The only way I could think of to shut this conversation down once and for all was to face the matter head on, just this once. ‘Okay,’ I said firmly, so she knew I was making an important point. ‘Maybe he is a little controlling. But it comes from his past. He’s still healing. And I love him, Lo. Mum said I needed to learn to take the rough with the smooth, so that’s what I’m trying to do. In time, I’ll prove to him how much I love him, and things will change. He’ll feel more secure.’
Lo looked away, weighing up her next words, I guessed, then looked back at me. ‘You don’t think how he acts sometimes – and I’m sure I only see the tip of the iceberg – is a little worrying?’
‘I know he’s high-maintenance, but so am I – you’ve always said so.’
Lo rolled her eyes, and then one side of her mouth hitched up in a smile. ‘Well … you are.’
‘You don’t see the side of him that I see.’
Although Justin had been super picky about anything to do with the wedding recently, everything else had been fine since the day of my dress fitting. It was just like when we’d first been together, and finally, I’d thought, This is what it’s supposed to feel like just before your wedding. We were in a really good place, ready to put the wrinkles of the past behind us.
‘He’s being so sweet and caring at the moment. I’ve lost count of the number of flowers he’s bought me, and he’s always taking me out, buying me nice things …’ I saw Lo’s face and knew instantly where her mind had gone, so I quickly added, ‘and it’s not about the money. That’s just an outward show of how he feels about me. He’s so supportive: he listens to me when I need him to, tells me I need to believe in myself more …’ I trailed off, unsure of what more I could say to convince her.
Lo swayed again as she tried to reach out and touch me. She missed the first time but then grabbed onto my coat sleeve. ‘I’m only saying this because I love you, because I’m looking out for you … Sometimes I wonder if his behaviour isn’t a little abusive.’
I was so shocked by what my sister said that I laughed really loudly, causing a couple of other people in the queue to turn round to see what was going on. ‘What? No! What are you talking about? Justin has never hit me. Don’t be daft.’
Lo took her hand off me and concentrated on balancing as the queue moved forwards. ‘Abuse can be more than just hitting, Lil. It’s about patterns of behaviour, about control, about erasing someone’s sense of self so completely that they are totally under your spell.’
